Unclean house leading cause of palpitations.

I have tried several times to not get worked up about a dirty house and have failed several times.  The site if my 3 year olds bedroom floor causes me to suffer palpitations and mild chest pressure. I can literally feel my blood boiling inside me. 

When I just finish cleaning my house and come out to see it destroyed I blow my lid. My eyes bug out of my head, my fists clench, my teeth clench, and I scream. Do you know what it is like to spend hours doing a task only to see someone easily destroy your work. The worse part is I just keep doing it over and over again and I get disappointed over and over again. What is wrong with me!?!?

My husband’s solution it to “not look at it” or my all time favorite “just don’t clean.” What he fails to see is that if I don’t do it now I will have to do more later.  If I could collect an hourly wage for the time I spend cleaning I could have a summer home on the lake. So frustrating!!!!!

Ahhhhhh!!

D

Missing: Motivation

It is 9:45 on a Wednesday night and I am sitting on the couch watching a Twilight movie. I seem to have seriously misplaced my motivation. I know I have so much to do- a long list of things I need to accomplish in the next 24 hours but I can’t seem to get my butt off this couch.  The laundry isn’t going to wash itself. Despite what the commercial says those scrubbing bubbles do not independently clean my toilets. Unlike Toy Story – my toys do not come to life and put themselves away. I am beginning to think I have a better chance of becoming a vampire than get my list of things done!! 

I need a fairy Godmother or a maid!! 

Celebrating the 4th!!

Times seems to have slipped away from me these past few days.  This is not uncommon when you get to celebrate a 4 day Holiday weekend- you are stuck in vacation mode and can’t remember what day it is.  All you know is that your cooler needs more ice and adult beverages, you have to fill the sippy cup with apple juice, and make sure you have Twizzlers for the boat (a river essential food since I was in grade school!)  The only downfall to spending so much time on the water is trying to entertain a 1 year old in the 90 degree weather when he doesn’t like to get wet and wants to eat sand all day.  It was an absolute lifesaver when my in-laws agreed to take him for the day so we could enjoy the water with our 3 year old.  Now she is a true river rat- she has no fear of the water as long as she is wearing her pink life jacket and her pink arm floaters.  She even went on the tube for the first time and was in heaven.  We took it slow, had her dad ride with her, and only let her ride for 15 minutes but it was like she had won the lottery.  I don’t think I have ever seen her smile so wide!   It is moments like that one that remind me how lucky I am to have such an amazing, loving family.  I love that I get to pass on the same memories and experiences that I enjoyed when I was younger.  I also love that I married a man who likes the river as much as I do.  We truly had the best weekend!

 

D

Crazy Chaos and the decision de-clutter!

Well, the past few days with my children have been daunting.  For some unknown reason, my 1 year old son decided to start crying and screaming and has not stopped. Being a nurse practitioner, I assessed him for the usual issues (ears, teeth, lack of sleep) but I was coming up all normal.  He was fed, dry, and consoled but nothing worked.   Being the ever awesome parents we are, we decided to take him with us while we attempted to do our errands.  A trip to Sam’s Club resulted in a full on meltdown but not one, but both of my children.  I was standing in the diaper isle when I heard a lady walk by and state “that girl is so naughty”.  I was not sure if I should apologize or if I should have punched her.  Thanks complete stranger for your comment on my child rearing; in case you haven’t noticed the fit is coming from not being able to get the over sized pillow pet she didn’t need.  Next time I will make your shopping experience more pleasant by leaving my children in the car, unattended…….. Then, you get “the look” from people who are near you.  That look ranges from “poor kids” to “what horrible parents. I would NEVER let my kids act that way.”

And as if it couldn’t get worse, I am pretty sure we are forever banned from the Olive Garden.  My son screamed and cried, the entire time.  It also seemed like the night of hella slow service so my plan to occupy him with salad and breadsticks was an epic failure.  When our food came, we got to spend our time eating in shifts, shoveling it in while the other entertained our tantrum throwing toddler.  Spaghetti is one of his favorites, but that night it was more fun for him to fling it onto the floor.  He proceeded to carry on and cry the whole way home.  Now, I am positive this is a common theme in all cars with a crying child, but rather than work together to figure out what to do for him, my husband and I turn on each other as if the other holds the keep to turn the monster off but are lying about its existence.  To end the night, the minute we pull in the drive way a switch goes off and now this monster is a happy go lucky baby boy who just wants to run around and destroy the house.  It’s 10 pm…..

I know I am not alone in these experiences.  When I first baby came along and I let her roll off the bed in the brief nanosecond I wasn’t looking, I called my older sister in tears.  Her advice was the best and I pull if forward every time I have an experience like this past one.  She simply said “Don’t worry, they will pay you back in the future.  Remember you let them roll off the bed the next time they run your feet over with the shopping cart or barf on you during a classy event and call it even.”  Well played my sister, well played.

Finally, I round my weekend off by reading some books that Pinterest has promised me would “change my life”.  The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo illustrates how to de-clutter and uniform your house.  The first few pages and I am hooked.  I am ready to pull all my clothes into a pile on the floor to assess if they bring me joy.  This process should be repeated with shoes, handbags, books, and other household items.  I immediately start mentally processing how this is going to go down and then I stop-  I have kids and a husband who will most likely not allow me the dedicated time to de-clutter and if I start I will no doubt have a heaping pile of clothes on the floor for at least a week.  This will result in increased stress and thus, defeats making my life easier.  Okay, plan B:  When do I have a day off that I can dedicate to this task?  Looking at my Reminder Binder I see that it will be the end of July, when we are due for a vacation.  That is no good so it will have to be after that.  Long story short, I appears by de-cluttering event will take place some time in the Spring of 2020.  Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading!

D

 

All eyes on me…

Let me tell you folks- today was a rough day!  It is hard to be human at work. You aren’t allowed to express emotion or you may be seen as weak. You aren’t allowed to speak up or you are being a bitch. You can’t bring your bad day home because that is not fair to your kids. Tell me then – where is it safe to let go?  Where is my respite? I guess I will just bottle this all up and explode in 2 weeks after I find my husband’s socks wedged in the couch because that is what will set me off. I will lash out at him for this simple indiscretion with the wrath of 2 weeks of pent up emotion. Yep – that sounds about right!! Poor guy- he has no clue!!

Really though- why are we expected to to be perfect at all times? And when we aren’t – we get the judgment eyes – which mostly come from our female coworkers. Unfair. I also make it so I must be perfect at all times. My hair must be just right; my make up-flawless; my outfit- on par with the current trend. Do you know that if no one compliments me on my outfit each day I automatically make a mental note to never wear it again?! Ridiculous but true.  Where did these personal expectations come from and how do I give them back?

Okay so let’s make a deal – we will pay it forward to all other females and working moms. It is okay to let it out. It is okay to be less than perfect. It is not okay to judge one another on our bad days. It is okay to say “I’ve been there too and you’re gonna need a drink”……

D

 

 

Let’s get started!

Wow!  Not sure what random thought I had that said “hey, why don’t you start a blog?!” but here I am and here this is.  Let me explain:

Life is hard and chaotic.  I hear about it every day at work from my amazing female patients.  Little did they know that we all share the same common theme in our insecurities- we want to be able to do it all- see it all- cook it all- while keeping a smile on our face.  We want others to look at us and think “wow- she has got her shit together!” The reality is most of us are barely surviving the day to day!  Did I remember to send my child to school in clean underwear? Am I wearing clean underwear? Gross- it isn’t that bad, but you get the point.

My life is such said stress.  I am a mom of 2 kiddos (3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy); and a wife of 7 years and I am a nurse practitioner of 6 years.  I work full time, so does my husband. Our kids go to daycare.  Guess what- they love it and I love it too!  With all that I have going on, I would not have the time to teach my 3 year the letters of the alphabet or to accurately name her colors.  I have this inability to leave my house dirty so I panic when it is a mess.  I try several times to meal plan and I fail several times. About every 2 weeks I decide I need to try to add exercise into my daily routine.  That lasts about 24 hours because I am so exhausted and do not have the energy to go for a walk/run/jog.  I am just happy when my Fitbit registers an aggressive day of house cleaning as active minutes- counts to me!

I get to a boiling point about once every 6 weeks.  I think my husband can accurately document this cycle by the phases of the moon and a combination of my crazy meal planning and unrealistic housekeeping expectations.  It is kind of comical but I won’t admit it.  Why can’t everything be perfect like I planned?  Why can’t I handle it when it doesn’t?

The reason I started this blog was for a creative outlet for all things stressful in my life.  And, if my day isn’t so bad, I thought I would share some things I enjoyed, discovered, cooked, or tried to bake and butchered the recipe (stay tuned, that may be a common theme!) So stick around – follow me.  I bet you will be surprised how much we are all alike and we will see how this little blog turns out….

Until next time!

D